As one of the biggest victims of persecution in her own mind, author J.K. Rowling recently announced how far she would be willing to go to protect her anti-trans views, and this is what she said.

The Onion

Travel To Tuscany
In fact, she has repeatedly insisted she’d be willing to spend upwards of two weeks enjoying everything the region has to offer in the name of transphobia.

The OnionPay For Twitter
Some people have no problem utterly debasing themselves in order to spread their message.The OnionUse Cruel, Vitriolic Language To Publicly Bully An Oppressed Minority Group Of People

Well, obviously.

Take A Photograph Behind The Bars Of A Novelty Jail Cell In The Western-Themed Area Of An Amusement Park

Hành tây

Her devoted army of TERFs pledged to crowdfund the $49.99 (plus admission fees) needed to make this happen.

Use The Word ‘Martyr’ Over 200 Times A Day

In order to protect the cis community, J.K. Rowling will continue to say that she died at the hands of the woke mob several times per hour.

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Kill A Boy The boy will die. It is his destiny as a sacrifice upon the altar of gender essentialism.

Get Kind Of Horny Over All This It’s not completely conscious, but the outrage is turning her on.

Keep Counting Her Untold Millions Like None Of This Is Even Happening As much as public criticism of her hateful views can sting, her money will never judge her.

Mutter Weird Spells Under Her Breath Whenever Someone Criticizes Her It’s obviously not doing anything, but it’s pretty unnerving nonetheless.

Donate Her Genitals To The TERF Hall Of Fame Only the most virulent anti-trans advocates are allowed to display their penises and vaginas in those hallowed halls.

Write A Whole Shitty Book About It That Nobody Will Read It won’t have a strong story or characters, but it will certainly make points.

Sopping The Sloop

She has also expressed her intentions to blust the buttering and greep on the groof.

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Run Over Daniel Radcliffe With A Car, Go Through A Lengthy Trial, And Ultimately Be Exonerated Due To Wealth And Fame
Rowling has asserted she’d be willing to commit vehicular manslaughter and then
pay millions in legal fees to stop the Harry Potter star from addressing others by the
correct pronouns.

Make Some Really Awful Comparisons To The Holocaust In this metaphor, she is going to cast herself as Anne Frank, and we’re all going to
have to sit and watch it happen.

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Spend Several Years Training As A Pastry Chef To Get Admitted To The Auguste Escoffier School Of Culinary Arts, Graduate As An Expert Pastry Chef, And Open A Bakery So She Can Deny Service To A Trans Couple Ordering A Wedding CakeOn the plus side, she’ll probably be able to make pretty solid macarons.

Work To Remove All Toilets Everywhere

There will be no restrooms to worry about any trans people using with anyone else, and everyone will be provided their own bucket.

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Licking Any Cis Person’s Genitals

She has been fixated on genitals for so long that she has become ravenous for their taste.